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Never thought I would get homesick

June 16, 2009

My mother likes to remind me that when I was about 11 years old I told her that I was going to marry a man with an accent. As a little girl who fantasized about living in the 40’s perhaps I had a crush on an old British actor at the time, perhaps I was just reading some WWII novel and thought Europe to be such a far away, romantic place, but whatever the reason I must have had a crystal ball in hand. I met and married a man with an accent, though he likes to think his accent isn’t too thick, it is still there, though I barely notice it now.

I also dreamed about living abroad in an exotic country where everything is different, where I could be as far away as possible from the things that reminded me only of pain and suffering. And once again I got my wish. When I run into Americans or Canadiens overseas or while back home, I usually get a look of jealousy when I tell them where I live. “Oh, how lucky you are. How romantic to live over there. How cool. Do you like it? It is absolutely wonderful?”

And not to take away any romanticism from those of you who believe as I did, but really, living in another country is just like living at home. In the end, the glamour fades and you are left with either your job or your family. What I mean is, life if life. Whether it is here or there. In the end everyday you wake up and have breakfast and start your routine.

And yet, it is still different. The hard part for me, the part that gets me down, is that it is harder to make friends here. There aren’t many women who choose to be a stay at home mom. I worked for a little while here, but was the first to get the ax when the company started doing badly as I was still on a probational contract (that is normal for here). I was a few weeks along already and by the time I had a visible belly I still hadn’t found anything worth my while or feasible with the coming baby. So we decided that I would work at home with my writing and translations and wait for the baby. I wanted to be a stay at home mom anyway, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity.

And I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. I just wish I had some friends. Back home there are a million ways to get to know other STAH moms, but here it seems impossible. I have tried varies route, including the internet. And as sad as it might sound, my STAH mom friends, at the moment, come solely from mom forums, my favorite being, and my friends back home.

I never thought I would be homesick, but then, I never thought I would feel this lonely at times.

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