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Hush, Hush

June 18, 2009

Do you have secrets from your partner? I’m not talking about something about your childhood or high school years that just hasn’t yet come up in conversation, I’m talking about actual here and now secrets. Active secrets. Do you ahve a web profile that they don’t know about? Do you secretly eat two chocolate cakes a day? Are you a closet shopper or boozer? Did you poke a hole in the condom or not take your pill to purposely get pregant?

It’s funny, but I know a person for all of those catagories. Or maybe it isn’t funny. Maybe it’s just sad.

I’m going to stick with sad.

I was on a forum today and read about how a woman’s husband had secret online profiles and a myspace page in which he lied about who he was (namely that he was single). When she confronts him about it she says that he tells her it is none of her business. But when a man says that as he turns the computer screen away a woman can’t help but be suspicious. So she checked his email and he freaked out and told her to stop checking up on him.

Obviously I don’t have the entire story as it was a forum post asking for some advice, not to mention I summed up a page into one paragraph, but  it got me thinking. My husband and I have each other’s email passwords and know each other’s myspace and facebook. Well, he has facebook and I have myspace and the truth is that I semi-manage his facebook! Anyway, if I enter into his email I usually tell him, just to let him know, but there have been many times that he has come home and said, “I saw that email in your box of the pictures (or whatever).” We can do this because we have nothing to hide from each other.

Coming from a broken family where all of my parents, except my stepmom, have been married three times, I am totally against hiding things in your relationship that have to do with you, your partners, your family or your relationship. I’m not saying that I tell my husband every minuscule part of my life, but it isn’t really secret because at anytime it could come up in conversation and there would be no problem. There is nothing out there that if it came up he would feel bad or I would feel bad.

Having secrets is like cheating. It is saying that you either don’t trust the person you are supposed to be in love with or that you are no longer interested in sharing your life with them.  And that is sad.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. lunaxfairy permalink
    June 18, 2009 11:59 pm

    It is extremely sad. Because of secrets and lies, my relationship with the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is over. You are so right its scary. It’s not worth it… it really isn’t. People are just stupid like that and do thing for no reason, it happened to me far too many times. I do stupid things myself- o well I guess shit happens and sometimes you jsut can’t help it. When trust is gone.. It’s gone.. FOREVER!

    • wideopenworld permalink*
      June 21, 2009 11:35 am

      I’m sorry for your experience. Unfortunately it seems like the norm these days in our society. It is hard to relearn to trust anyone in general after going through that, but I hope that you will be able to and that you will soon find a person who values you over their own secrets.

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