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What they didn’t tell you…

July 29, 2009

…is that motherhood is quite possibly the most disgusting years of your life. Of at least the years in which your children are small. I have had my share of nasty experiences and I only have one child so far….thinking of having four, at least three. Maybe after I write this I will change my mind. As many of these nasty moments happened when she was very little I forget them day-to-day. Time to revisit in order to set the tone:

  • Such as the time that we were at the bank waiting to be attended and she started screaming so I picked her up, only to feel something sticky and hot on my hand. Nice. There was poo all up her back. And being that we were only ten blocks from the house and I hadn’t anticipated the trip taking long I had neither wipes nor diapers. (What screams “new mom” more than that?)
  • Or the time that I swung her up to make her laugh only to receive warm spit up in my mouth
  • Perhaps the times when I am out of kleenex and have to wipe her nose with my finger, only to wonder what the heck to do with the snot on my fingers, is a little on the lesser side….
  • etc….I’m sure you all have your own stories of nasty experiences with these cute treasures that make you laugh and beam anytime they do something remotely intelligent

My latest experience happened yesterday at the gym. I was standing in ling waiting to enter for my kickboxing class when my boredom led me to think I was thirsty. As I watched the pilates class that was finishing up I took a swig out of my water bottle and upon swallowing I started to slightly choke. It isn’t that I was so impressed with the pilates moves that I swallowed wrong or that I was laughing (at the moment). It was just that I had expected pure water and NOT a chunk of granola bar. Being that it was a sports water bottle, something that Queenie loves because it makes her feel like a big girl (I’m assuming) she had drank out of it and not her sippy cup while we were at the doctor’s today. I remember seeing chunks of granola bar floating around it, but I hadn’t remembered this important piece of information right before leaving for the gym when I refilled the water bottle.

As I laughed to myself the classroom door opened and women started elbowing their way in. If I wanted a spot, which I deserved as I had been the first in line even though that seemed to mean nothing to some women, there was no time to dump the granola infested water. So I plunged ahead.

Honestly, this would have made me gag to the point of vomiting before becoming a mom. Now I just laugh. Unless I’m sleep deprived and cranky and then I might curse. Though I’m trying to stop that reaction from happening. There is nothing cute about an angelic 21 month girl saying “damn”.

Ah motherhood. It is moments like these that I feel bad for ever giving my own mother s**t.

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