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Way to be a grown-up, mom

August 25, 2009

Apparently my mother is angry with me, but she blames her soon-to-be-ex-husband for it. I don’t know what she wrote to him but he wrote me and said she was upset and that I shouldn’t be angry with her, life is too short, I should support her, etc.

Nope. Not going to happen. So, I am going to tell you all what my SIL claims my stepdad said. Remember, this guy doesn’t even swear and walks away before EVER saying anything mean about anyone. There was an afternoon in July that he went to my mom’s house to talk to her. When she saw his truck she locked the door and went upstairs. He walked around to the back and stayed there for about 20 minutes asking for her to come down and talk to him. Pretty lame on my mom’s part for not being grown up enough to talk to him. Anyway, my SIL claims that he told her that story and in his anger said, “You know, as her legal husband I could have walked in, gone upstairs and raped her if I wanted to.”

She also says that he told her if my mother died he would get all the money and wouldn’t have to give anything to her kids. AND that he was going to steal back the jewelry if he had to if it came to divorce.

Now, what I don’t believe is that the guy said “rape”. I don’t and won’t believe it. I do believe that he made a statement (much lighter than that) that was totally uncalled for in his anger. And something that should be apologized for. But I don’t believe anything he could have said is the right excuse for a divorce.

Why don’t I believe this? Firstly, because my SIL lives in a parallel universe when it comes to what is true and what isn’t. If she is a witness to something, she will have a completely outrageous, more dramatic story about the event than anyone else there. I could go into a little episode she had at my own wedding and the “truth” as she saw it in the aftermath, but I don’t have time and honestly I don’t think my heartrate can take it. Secondly, when I asked her if he actually said the word “steal” she admitted that he said “take”. Now, “take” is a whole different thing. I told her what that probably meant was that he was going to be sure to get the jewelry back in the event of a divorce. And she finally agreed with me. I didn’t want to push the word “rape” because that would have been harder to get her to admit since it is the heart of the issue and she has probably convinced herself that she said it by now.

But even with my mom knowing who my SIL is, she believes it. Or maybe she doesn’t believe it, but it certainly gave her an excuse to file for divorce and for the rest of her kids to rally behind her. I told her in my email that it isn’t that I don’t support her.

“In the end,” I wrote, “I don’t care if you are getting married, divorce, becoming a lebian, etc. What I do expect from you is that you take responsibility for your decisions and not try to blame this all on your husband. You are the one that taught me that it takes 2, so don’t try telling me you have no fault. What hurt the most is that you couldn’t just pick up the phone and tell me. No, you had to send me to my SIL. I thought our relationship was stronger than that, but I guess I was wrong.”

Or something to that affect. For two days now this is all I can think about. I am tired of it, but I refuse to call her. She hasn’t even written me back about that email. I guess she probably won’t be visiting this fall. I’m not sure when we are going to straighten this out, honestly. Her behaviour has dissapointed me beyond anything I could imagine. In case you didn’t read the other post here is an example: she says she will never give back the jewelry he gave her, but she made him give her back a collector’s coin that my great aunt gave him in return for working on her house. Way to be a grown-up, mom.

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