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So you obviously don’t mind your 2 year old is a bully….

October 8, 2009

Playgroup is so interesting. I’ve heard this before from other moms and read it in other blogs, but I am just now experiencing it, so give me some room to share my surprise, astonishment, incredulity (Is that a word? I’m pretty sure it isn’t…What do you know, it is!)

Now, most moms in the playgroup are pretty normal. We mostly all believe that we should be pretty hands off when it comes to the kids unless they are ripping out someone’s hair or poking them in the eyes. Of course, we still feel the need to tell our little ones to share or be nice or watch out for the baby, but I am pretty sure that we all do this more to save our own face in front of the other moms than for the real benefit of teaching our toddler.

Anyway, yesterday we went to play group and actually got there almost on time. There weren’t too many kids right away, which produced exhilaration in Queenie as she had a multitude of toys to choose from and she immediately chose a little scooter. She was on it for about five minutes, still having the time of her life, when a little blonde b***h came toddling over, screamed “NO!” and sat on top of Queenie. My little girl was astounded, as was I. We waited for a moment to give the mom of this blond tyrant the chance to give her a lesson on not stealing toys from other kids, but the mom was nowhere to be seen. As the little girl did not heed my advice of waiting for Queenie to finish playing the only other option was to distract Queenie with another toy. Soon the whole incidence was forgotten. Well, forgotten by Queenie. I did not forget and kept my eye on Blondie whenever I saw her around. Not five minutes had passed when I saw the mother come out and figured out why this toddler would, in high school, be known as THE BITCH, if the mom didn’t wake up soon. This is what I saw:  The mom sweetly asked her blond angel (more like demon) if she was being nice and sharing. The girl screamed “NO!” at her mother who told her that she should behave and be nice to the other kids. Then she picked her up, kissed her all over and offered her a juice box.When she placed her back down the girl promptly took a toys from a baby. The mom didn’t seem to notice.

I think it is great that this mom loves her little shrew so much. Probably to the point that she can’t see what a bully she is. I saw the little girl steal multiple items from almost every child in the play group that day, so it wasn’t just thirst that had caused her to pick on Sofia. Not once did the mom seem to notice her child bullying everyone else. No other mom said a word. Maybe because the mom is a the coordinator of the play group….

But it all made me wonder about my recent post on those of us who try to be perfect parents, all the while knowing it is a lost cause. It really made me notice that my little Queenie just isn’t naturally a bully, while some kids are. I’ve said this before, I think, but Queenie isn’t a fighter. She actually is very sweet and gentle. She waits for the other kids to clear off the slide before going down (and won’t go down if the kid doesn’t move), she allows others to go in front of her in line, she never gets upset about others taking things from her. In fact, she looks at them with an astounded look on her face and I can’t just imagine what she is thinking in her head. Of course, all of this could change, but I don’t think she will ever be a bully. For one, the blond tyrant is younger than Queenie and already showing these qualities and she isn’t the only example. Queenie’s little cousin, who is exactly 1 year younger, is already showing signs of being more selfish and less careful than Queenie. Cousin Car plows over anything and everything in her way, including Queenie, and doesn’t understand the word “gentle”. I don’t mean that cousin Car will be a selfish person because her parents are good parents and will teach her correctly. But some of us (including me) are naturally more selfish than others. It takes us a minute to think of others while there are some who need a minute to ever think about themselves. It’s just personality.

But my biggest question yesterday was not if my Queenie will learn to be selfish at some point in her life or whether she will ever learn to defend herself from the bullies of this world (which certainly is a concern of mine). My biggest question was poised to the mother of the blond tyrant in the form of “Don’t you care that your child is only 18 months and already a bully?” It has nothing to do with her age or a phase, your little girl is naturally selfish and tyrant like and you don’t seem to care.

Of course, I also realized that I have it much easier than that mom in that I don’t have to teach Queenie not to be a tyrant or a bully when she can’t understand what the big deal is. Yes, I get that. That mom has a big task ahead of her, if she even sees it. I just hope, for her sake (as the teenage years will come quicker than we want the to) that she sees it soon. Otherwise I’m pretty sure she will find herself being bullied by her little “angel” and find herself wondering when her little girl became such b***h.

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