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Turning out the lights

March 14, 2010

I can’t sleep. Or rather, I don’t want to turn out the lights and go to sleep. Not that I am afraid of the dark. I’m not. Not really. If I get my imagination going I can become afraid of the dark. My imagination is crazy in its ability to be so real. Really. I’m not sure many people understand what it is like to have nightmares from hearing a description of a movie plot because I can literally see it unfold in my head. This is why I no longer allow myself to watch CSI or any other crime show, read murder mystery or any book with graphic violence (whether implied or described). That goes for movies as well. Can’t do it. I’ll have nightmares for weeks. My sister laughs at me and calls me childish. I then tell her, “watch out, this imagination of mine will make me famous one day!” Just as soon as I get a minute in between having children and chasing after them….

The real reason I don’t want to turn out the lights is because Principe isn’t here. He hasn’t been here all weekend and I have been surviving on less than 6 hours of sleep a night. Not because I have to (although Queenie’s bad sleep habits have a teensy bit to do with it) but because I have trouble turning out the lights when he isn’t here. I just don’t like to sleep alone. And what I really hate is initiating the sleeping alone by turning out the lights.

This was a problem that I had until I met, lived with  and married Principe. Living alone I always went to bed too late. Because I didn’t want to turn out the lights.

Now I sleep almost like an angel. Most of my bad sleep habits are gone. They just went *puff* into the air once Principe and I started our lives together. Which I am forever grateful for.

But the days that he is gone they come right back.

Silly, isn’t it?

I am about to turn out the lights, just as soon as I write in my journal. Yes I still actually hand-write in a journal. Crazy, I know. But I have so many thoughts going round in my head. And I write differently than I type. Try it sometime, I bet you do too!

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