Time to get going
It is 10:02. I need another cup of coffee. And I still need to shower. Queenie has decided that playing with choo-choo and riding around on doggie are not enough. She is whiny. Why? Because she is sleepy. Why?
Because she doesn’t sleep. She can’t seem to get herself back to sleep these days. The unfortunate thing is that the first reason why she woke up in the first place was again legitimate as DeeDee had fallen off the bed and she couldn’t find him in the dark. But giving her DeeDee and placing them both in bed again started another night of ridiculous screaming and hysteria.
Queenie is working off of sleep from 8:30 to 2am and 4:30 to 7:30. Principe and I are working off of midnight to 2am and 4:30 to 7:20. It is not fun. Especially not for Principe. I feel worse for him. He feels worse for me (being pregnant). We both agreed that going to bed at midnight cannot happen again until our lovely daughter decides she is going to actually sleep.
The strangest thing is that after about half and hour of crying she stopped around 2:30. We breathed a sigh of relief and tried to fall back asleep. I couldn’t and I don’t know if Principe could, but it didn’t seem to matter much because come 3:02am her door creaked open, Principe put her back to bed and the screaming started over. After half an hour and seeing that she was going from crying to hysteria, we finally just allowed her into our bed.
Horrors of horrors. The pediatrician would smirk at us if she knew.
But there was nothing else to do. We heard the neighbors upstairs start moving around and in our groggy state we suddenly realized that we can no longer allow her to cry it out because the neighbors can hear us and it isn’t fair to them. (Why we didn’t realize this the other night I have no idea. We were so focused on Queenie that we forgot about our neighbors…!)
Interestingly enough Queenie still didn’t fall asleep for another hour. The only difference was that she wasn’t alone so she was quiet. More or less. She asked me over and over for a ba-ba (bottle) and I told her no over and over. She moved around a lot trying to get comfortable and tried once to convince me that it was morning time. At 4:21 she started breathing heavily. She was finally asleep.
So what did I do? I picked her up to put her in bed. And she woke up.
Tears ran down my face from fatigue and desperation. Thankfully she calmed down, stopped wiggling and whining with some back rubbing and when I placed her in bed ten minutes later she groaned once but no longer had the strength to cry.
Of course it had to be a night of heavy winds so everytime the iron chimney doors rattled I woke up thinking she was awake. And I wondered……even into my dreams I wondered…..:
What are we going to do?
What should we do?
What is the problem?
Is there a problem or have I simply not taught her to self-soothe?
Would crying it out really work? I hate it. HATE, HATE, HATE it. And neither Principe nor I thin we should unless we rent a cabin in the Ukrainian outback where here isn’t a neighbor for miles.
I wonder if she has legitimate reasons and just can’t express them in words. Her nose is icky and she has been acting a bit strange…but then in the last three days she has slept what a normal toddler would sleep for half that amount of time. Acting strangely is all that I can expect. She isn’t eating well either, but I think the last back molar is finally coming up so that would explain that. Would it explain the waking up? The not going back to sleep? Should I have given her Tylenol? She is grinding her teeth again, too. We never did figure out the trigger for that one. None of the pediatricians seem to care or give it much thought either.
At any rate, it is time to get going. To leave the questions behind and to take a shower. Perhaps have another cup of coffee and just not think about being pregnant. We should go to the park where she will eat a sandwich and fall asleep in the stroller on the way home. And then I will go back to bed. After all, another little one who doesn’t know the difference between night and day will be here any day now.
Oh, what have we done…..?